The easy thing to do would be pretend this isn't happening. It would be more convenient to act like life hasn't changed in an instant, like my heart isn't shattered, like everything is fine.
Lucy,
A lot has happened in our world and family in the last 6 weeks. You will someday want to ask questions about this time, as it's going to forever be a defining moment in the life of our family. I want to write this now because everything is still raw. It isn't pretty, and you need to learn how to handle life's challenges.
Your Nana had surgery to remove a cancer from her body. Your Grandma ha surgery to remove a tumor from her body. This happened within 3 weeks. Nana and Grandma are very important to us- they are the women who gave life to our little family. They are the women who sacrificed and pledged and vowed to care for you, me, Daddy, all of us before they knew who we might become. Mommies and grandmommies love us from the start, despite ourselves.
Now, Grandma is feeling better and we are thanking God for good reports after her surgery. Nana is also feeling better and receiving good news; however, she will start chemotherapy soon. This will help her body stay healthy and prevent the cancer from coming back. It is important that we pray without ceasing for Nana and PaDon; chemo isn't easy but it does seem to be what's best. Sometimes life asks us to make hard choices: pick the easy way or the right way. The easy way won't accomplish much in the long run.
You deserve to know Lilyana and this is going to be the only way you can: through her stories. I know it's an important time in your life, as you're about to turn 1, but life happens all around us, in us, for us without asking if this might be a good time. On January 18, our cousin Rachel delivered Lilyana at 25 weeks gestational age. Lily was small- like a baby doll, weighing just over a pound. Lily has battled and fought to keep going for three long weeks. Last night, at 7:28, Lily went to heaven. This breaks even the strongest heart. It isn't fair and it doesn't make sense. No one should have to lose a baby, especially not cousin Rachel who worked so hard to grow Lily. We can all learn a lot from Lily, though. She put up a fight, didn't go without trying. She brought people together. People who fight, scream, treat one another awfully. Lily was able to unite so many people, in spirit, in hope and in prayer. As we prepare for your birthday, Lucy, we will also prepare for Lily's funeral. Daddy and I will not let you attend because there are some things that you shouldn't have to learn just yet. But, as our family gathers to celebrate the gifts of our little girls in the next few weeks, remember that you are loved, you were made with purpose and you will be afforded chances to go, see, feel, touch. Remember what great things Lily accomplished and know that we will all be honoring her life by carrying on the good that she achieved. We didn't have the chance to meet her on earth, but Lily will always be remembered in our family. Pray for her as she moves into a new home with Jesus, our Poppy and all the angels and saints above.
2012 has been a rough year so far. It might not get better anytime soon. It might be better instantly. That's how life happens: without any prediction, expectation, warning. That's what makes love so vital. When we are shattered, scared, confused, we lean on God and each other for comfort. Sometimes, we have to be the support and sometimes we can't manage to stay on our feet. Love doesn't matter which side we're on: it simply bears the weight. Always know that you are loved and supported, even when life devastates you.
Use my shoulders, my hands, my heart, my strength- its all yours,
Momma
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